Friday, March 31, 2006

Happy Birthday To Me!

31 today. Yippee. Sucky that I'm in the office with a GO LIVE and will be tomorrow too - which means I'm not celebrating tonight. Bummer. I see this as a slow start to the best year ever.

Have a good, rainy Friday on me.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Modern Warfare or Ain't Misbehaving

I think the game was simpler for my grandparents. The rules clearer... girls don't call. No kissing on the first date. Sex was saved for after an exchange of rings.

Now a days we're making up the rules as we go along. The end result is several shelves at Boarders Books and the eternal feeling that one is not playing the game right. Even my roommate and I disagree on which actions are OK, which make a girl seem easy and which get us closer to our goals... whatever that goal is. Some days it's the conquest - unlike my grandmother, not a gold ring, but rather the guy wrapped around the finger. Other times it could be the Long Term Relationship. Others, just a good time; entertainment. So many options of connections unheard of before. Also unheard of in the more religious and conservative parts of the world. Lucky us.

Finding the balance between Ain't-Misbehaving-saving-all-my-love-for-you with the A-Lot-Of-Livin'-to-do can make a person crazy. It is human nature to be unable to see the existential value of a person when confused by the relative value. If things just work with the right person, do games really need to be played? How long does one have to wait before calling, again?

My roommate errs on the hard to get side... I'm of the existential value kind. I have a fear that if one plays hard to get that when one finally gets the person, that they will lose interest and go after the next unavailable. The thrill is in the chase with no joy or satisfaction in the having. Whereas the flip side is that one values more the thing that s/he had to work harder for. This does not seem like a win-win game... But I think we can learn from each other.

We'll see. Neither of us are in a place to really test our theories. I'm leaving in 20 days for the first of 4 trips. And I should mention, this will soon become a travel blog, keeping friends and family up on where I am and my latest folly.

Poem from a Friend

My cool friend sent me a poem. I like it. I hope he's OK with me posting it.
It made me happy.

here it is another wednesday
night the wine is sweet
my skin feels tight
and fingers tapping on
the keys create a rhythm
all life's a rhythm
feel it in your heartbeat
it's alive

thinking of your pearly
skin makes my quickened pulse
begin I know you're gone and
I'm gone too but
we're immortal in our minds
it's in your mind
feel it think it say it
it's alive

roll those dice, the outcome's twice
as unexpected when you see it
for the first time

almost through, this note to you
on the eve of revelation
feels divine

steppin' off that eastbound
plane I can imagine once
again this downward spiral's
been completed
and another one commences
I'll take my chances
my heart getting stonger
it's alive

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Rolling Stones

Last week I gave notice. Yesterday I purchased my ticket. I'm doing it. Travel for over three months - or until the money runs out.

Lucky me - I have friends all over the planet who will put me up for free. Hong Kong, Beijing, NYC, DC, Boston, Cape Cod, Italy and France. Anyone have a place for me to crash in Amsterdam or Berlin? How about a chalet in the Alps? So the trip isn't going to cost that much, as I have free places to stay 50% of the time and for 3 of the remaining weeks I've got cheap places. That leaves 3 weeks of paying dearly...

The next question I seem to get asked is, "Are you doing all the travel alone?". Yes, but I am going to be staying with friends - so I get the benefit of being on my own, but with friends when I want. I am looking forward to being 100% in control of my time. I choose what I am going to see. I am responsible for my schedule and I am to blame if I don't get to do what I want to do. Strange feeling after 4 years of being 1/2 of a couple.

Now, I need to start collecting the guide books. Any recommendations for China?

Friday, March 17, 2006

Science Diet

If you read the New Yorker regularly, you may have seen the article from a week or so ago about how our current Administration is giving science the old Heave-Ho. Instead of looking at and assessing all the facts, they search out the outlying, fringe scientists who support their Right Wing Agenda.

One of the Right Wing's pet peeves is the medically induced abortion. The process involves two medications that cause the uterus to expel its contents. If the contents include a fetus, an abortion happens. This product has been used for decades around the globe, safely and effectively giving women control over the physical, emotion and financial fate.

Two women have died ( from the use of this medication and the right-wingers are clamoring for it to be pulled from the market. Why aren't they screaming about Viagra which has killed, as of 2003, 564 men have died from that medication ? ( What about the men?? Who is fighting to prevent such a horrible, erection filled death from happening to other men?

And another puzzle... how anti-depressive were found to cause more thoughts of suicide in depressed teens. Ok, so this teen age girl is depressed and not feeling that life is worth living and if she goes on the medication, she will feel MORE like killing herself. But she'll be less depressed? Is it just that the medication isn't very effective?? Very confusing.

In the end, I just want science to be left to the scientists. No other Administration had scientists resigning left and right out of protest. We've got to get back on track in the realm of science. Not all scientists agree, but there tends to be a consensus.

Happy St. Patty's Day to all.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Not finishing what one starts

I have a confession to make. I just put away The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I tried to like it. I got to the final 25 pages or so. But the author's tone just got to me. So smug. He's merely an author, yet has the tone of god. As if this guy somehow knows all there is to know.

I couldn't take it. Now, I know that I am an adult. I don't have to finish every book I start... but I still feel guilty. Probably has something to do with my father's eternal criticism of me - that I don't finish what I start. And to that I have to ask, why should I finish this book? Will I get some gold star in heaven? It sucked! He killed off the characters who seemed total prisoners to their pathetic natures - I just didn't care any more.

I think I need something happy to read. I've been exploring mind expanding and instructive literature for too long. My bed side table has the following books: The Elegant Universe, Revolution from Within, To the Heart of the Nile and a book that I haven't started, but it is about the image of women throughout mythology. So heavy! I need something light and fun. I think I might have to pull out the David Cedric - or you readers, any suggestions?? I want to escape.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


Last night, as I was going to sleep I got the notion that there was something supernatural in my room. I fell asleep with strange, nightmarish dreams - waking, or possibly waking, with the sensation that a ghost was in my room. It was oppressing me, pushing down on my, I was unable to move. My mind was racing, wondering if I should turn on a light, if that would make it go away. But something told me it wouldn't. I didn't want to turn, for fear of seeing something I didn't want to see.

I told my mother about the experience, she said, Incubus. Looking it up, I found that this was a common thing - has been happening for centuries. Why? What is in our collective unconscious that creates these experiences. What causes those neurons to fire in that order? Does it have a chemical or electric origin? The entire body is involved in the experience - the body can't move, the mind is spinning.

Or are there demons out there that visit us. And why would it be in my bedroom? The oddest thing to me was the sensation of malevolence, that what was in there was angry, hateful and intent on evil.

More things I doubt I will ever have an answer for - and that is OK, as long as this doesn't become a regular thing.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


I'm going up to San Francisco this weekend. I had planned to stay until Sunday. However 1/2 of the people I wanted to see are unavailable... and now my friend down here in LA is having a going away party on Saturday night.

If I stay in San Francisco, I'll be bummed that I missed out on her party down here. If I return early then I'll be cheating myself out of time in the city I love most on the planet. There is no way to win. What do I want? I'm 50-50 on each side. I'll be happy and have regrets either way.

Really, there is no good solution. It matches up with another quandary that is fast approaching in my life. Work/Travel/Moves - there are no simple answers. What is keeping me in LA? What is keeping me in this state?

Some days everything seems up for grabs. I take on too many options at once. A simple trip becomes a quandary. I'm not making the right decisions, but how do we ever know when we are in the moment? Some things we can be sure of - we exhaust all other possibilities. But on whims, like this trip to SF or returning early to LA. I can give compelling reasons on either side... only months from now will I know what I really should have done.