Going Nomad

In the same week, in two vastly different books, the topic of human tribes arose. Aside from some shows on the Travel Channel or National Geographic, I had believed that tribal consciousness didn't come into play in my life. Hubris, I realized after some reflection. And the question started:

• What tribes did I identify with?
  
• Where do my values come from?
  
• What have I done to signify my belonging

I think back to high school or college; didn't we all just play those roles daily? Then the family - from my divorced & divided family - what the entire clan valued and then the differences in each family unit. While living in Los Angeles, I lived near the Hasidic Jews. Their clan was clearly marked through the curls the men wore, the covered hair and long sleeves on the women. I didn't know what their values were, aside from strong external signs that delineated their belonging.

The questions kept coming.

• Why do we stay?
  
• Why do we leave?
  
• What happens when we leave our tribe.
  
• What happens when we stop believing in the magic of our tribe.
  

Initially I thought that due to my expose to a wide variety of cultures, I found tribal bonds restrictive and ultimately meaningless to me. What one tribe says is good could be taboo in another - so much fuss over something basically meaningless.

But then after I took out my bellybutton ring, I realized those ties run much deeper than I had realized. I've had that hunk of metal in my navel for 16 years. I didn't realize how tied to it I had become. Something clicked today - I didn't feel like I needed it any longer. It was a marking that I was alternative. I looked at it and felt the ties to my raving day, to burningman, to all the odd things I've done. But I'm not doing those things now; I don't see a space for them in my future so I felt it was not my marking any longer. I didn't think it was a big deal. Yet ever since I took it out, I've been in a bit of a daze.

Hilary and I got our navels pierced in a bonding endeavor just before going home on break during our first year of college. I recall my mother's horror and dismay when I showed her my stomach. I had left my family tribe and declared my allegiance to the young, alternative and wild. I still recall when Hilary told me she had taken hers out years ago. I felt sad and a bit violated. She had walked away from our ties. Our doing it together in the basement of some lesbian in Northampton had meant a lot to me, was It no longer meaningful for her?

I thought all that had faded. I didn't think I needed that badge any longer. I'm not part of the uber-hip tribe any longer. I don't go to raves, push fashion boundaries or live on the edge in any way. I grow veggies, compost with worms and culture my own yogurt. It seemed right that I leave behind that symbol. My life orbits different values now. I have no interest in raves and can barely tolerate bars now a days.

Taking it out and looking at my stomach, I felt as if I was looking at my body for the first time in years. I could see the contours of my abdomen in a different way; the sparkle of the metal didn't distract from my flesh. I was unadorned, truly naked. Washing in the shower, my hand didn't knock against anything, instead it slide on past my bellybutton without a notice.

The connection to the tribe goes deeper than I believed. I spent the afternoon reflecting on what I had done. I realized I was taking off the symbols of my former tribe. I had been leaving slowly for the last few years. Yet I didn't join a new tribe. I have no strong identification with any group or demographic. I'm an occasional social element in a dozen different groups. I don't identify with mothers or young professionals. I'm not tied into a sports activity or team. I try to connect with my family, yet with my cousins grown and brothers married, family feels more like a diasporia than a clan. I'm barely more than an acquaintance with anyone at work. I come and go. Partly I realized my wounds from breaking tribal taboos still smart and I avoid initiating myself into any tribe as a preventative measure. Partly, I don't see any tribe that encompasses me entirely - I distrust all group think.

I once believed that we had evolved with our Science. That we were beyond the ancient, as we now toy with space travel, nanotechnologies and the sublime Martini. Yet today I deeply realized how tied we are to our culture. My inner-self craves a marking of this passage. I don't know how to acknowledgment that I've moved on.