You want me to drink HOW much water?

The last few years I've become frequently annoyed with this pressure to drink water. The, "at least 8 glasses a day" thing. I think the last straw was being told that I need 8 glasses of water and that, No, tea and sparkling water don't count.
Really? What does all that H2O in there do to my system if not get ingested? Tea is 99% water and 1% stuff. You're telling me that 1% stuff cancels out the water? How exactly? If if did, wouldn't the 1% cause the water to shoot through my system so fast as not to get absorbed? I don't get the runs from drinking water, so I'm not believing.
Let me talk about my dogs for a minute. I've got nearly my weight in dogs - two good sized boxers and my 7lb weiner-dog. They, collectively, drink maybe 16 oz of water per day. Did humans really evolve so far from dogs that we're supposed to consume 4x the amount of water? And where did primitive man find so much water to drink daily? And how did he tote it around?
In a Bush-like effort to find the science to support my opinions rather than evaluating the scientific finds, I present you with this:
http://www.the-aps.org/press/journal/02/release8-13-02.htm
Summary of the article peer-reviewed & published by the American Physiological Society:
"DRINK AT LEAST EIGHT GLASSES OF WATER A DAY FOR BETTER HEALTH?
"This age-old advice is the scientific equivalent of an “urban legend,” with no basis in fact, according to a noted Dartmouth researcher whose findings are published in the American Journal of Physiology"

And it gets better! When it comes to coffee, tea, coke and other caffeinated beverages:
"According to Valtin, there is strong scientific evidence that not all of the 8x8 needs to be taken in the form of plain water. Research conducted by Dr. Ann Grandjean and her colleagues has shown that caffeinated drinks – most coffee, tea and soft drinks – should count towards the daily fluid intake for the majority of people. The authors' conclusion that “advising people to disregard caffeinated beverages as part of the daily fluid intake is not substantiated by the results” of their study, was published in 2000, in the peer-reviewed journal, Journal of the American College of Nutrition."

I am vindicated!