Today's lesson

As many know, I'm on perpetual, Bridget Jones like mission of self improvement. Now, maybe I shouldn't say Bridget Jones, as I only read the first 100 pages of that book before I got distracted with higher quality literature, but still, she and I share the goal of being better.

As part of this ambition, I'm reading "Benjamin Franklin's The Art of Virtue: His Formula for Successful Living" edited by George L. Rogers. Today's lesson was part of guiding principle 10, "Life is immeasurably more satisfying to those who get along well with other than to those who do not." I had a very, "that's so true!" moment. The initial bit is simple - don't take offense and try to not offend. Simple. Avoid extremes, always, ever; be moderate in one's words. Next ignore the trifles - be not disturbed by accidents common or unavoidable. Very sensible. Then practice forgiveness, sincerity and justice. So easily said, and a lifetime to implement.

But, what really struck me was his advice to avoid confrontation. He notes, "I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiments of others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbid myself, agreeably to the old laws of our junto, the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fixed opinion, such as certainly, undoubtedly, etc,. and I adopted, instead of them, I conceive, I apprehend, or I imagine a thing to be so or so; or it so appears to me at present. When another asserted something that I thought an error, I denied myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing immediately some absurdity in his proposition; and in answering I began by observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present case there appeared or seemed to me some difference."

I was meditating on how much of a relief it would be to not feel compelled to correct every wrong I see or hear and as a corollary, how nice it would be to live in a world where I wouldn't be frequently corrected or have my notions aggressively contradicted. And then Greg and I were at Trader Joe's and I saw a lovely flower that reminded me of coral. I noted, "Wow, I've never seen flowers like that before." To which Greg commented, "Yes you have. I've given you one of those flowers before and you said the same thing."

My bliss hissed out of me with the FFFFTTT of a child letting air out of a regular balloon. How much more pleasant it would have been for me to have remembered or to have merely stated on the beauty of the flower. How much more pleasant it would have been to not have been reminded that I had seen them before.

Even with that, I'm going to take this next week to do my best to follow Ben's advice. As he noted in a letter to a friend, who had decided to drop an argument,
"So you see I think you had the best of the argument; and as you notwithstanding gave it up in complaisance to the company, I think you had also the best of the dispute. There are few, though convinced, that know how to give up, even an error, they have been once engaged in maintaining. There is therefore more merit in dropping a contest where one things one's self is right; it is at least respectful to those we converse with. And indeed all our knowledge is so imperfect, and we are from a thousand causes so perpetually subject to mistake and error, that positiveness can scarce ever become even the most knowing; and modesty in advancing any opinion, however plain and true we may suppose it, is always decent, and generally more like to procure assent."

I hope I can find that such behavior is intrinsic in my personality. As Michelle and I were noting, the wise man is most similar to him self. I want to be the best me I can be and I want that Jennifer to be good and to bring joy into the world.

I feel a little goody-good after writing this and I'm OK with that.