I was told that Thanksgiving was going to be tough. I didn't really believe it. I had had only 3 Thanksgivings with Warren in the last 20 years, so why would this one be different.
I was wrong. The two days prior I had been able to wake-up happy again. I reveled in the passing of the strongest waves of sadness. I hoped that the worst had passed. Yet, something about knowing that I'd never get to have my brother with me on Thanksgiving crushed me. It tossed me back into the state I had been those first few weeks after his death. I just held onto Marc and cried. I had a glass of wine and watched Super Troopers to keep me from being a sobbing blob of sorrow. Another factor I was not expecting was the exhaustion. The strong emotions wipe me out. I felt dizzy, barely able to walk from my office to the den.
To treat the exhaustion enough to make it to my father's on Thanksgiving I downed a Rockstar. It worked, but left me amped up for bedtime. Marc's first Thanksgiving with my family went well, aside from the general sad mood.
Yesterday the sorrow lingered. Only today did I wake up feeling better. I crave Normal, yet what is Normal now? Can I say that I'm thankful that I didn't see Warren every day? That he a constant presence - so now the new Normal looks a lot like the old Normal. Part of me feels that my grief is out of proportion; we weren't *that* close, how can I feel *that* sad. Like I have no right.
I feel what I feel. Today I feel OK. I'm up to distracting myself with the Christmas Card list.
Let's hope I can manage to feel this OK until Christmas. I suspect it will be as bad as Thanksgiving.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Sorrow
On Nov. 3rd, my big brother, Warren, took his own life.
It doesn't make sense. I'm not sure it ever will. Just a week prior he was off happily hiking in the mountains with his wife. Then he crashed and we couldn't save him.
The pain of losing him runs deeper than I thought possible. And I hadn't seen him since July. I did get a voicemail that I'm going to have saved. He said, "oh, and I Love You." at the end. We weren't close and that doesn't seem to matter. He was supposed to grow old with me. He was supposed to tell me how to better raise my kids (not that he'd know, having decided long ago that he wouldn't have any - and I don't have any yet).
Now I have a new marker... no longer does my time start with the birth of Christ. I mark things by his death. On Tuesday it was, He's been dead 1 week. Today it is 10 days since he died. Soon we'll have 1 month. After my birthday, it will be about 4 months. People keep saying, "the holidays will be tough." and "It gets easier with time." I'm still waiting for the 24 hours without tears maker.
At first I didn't want it to get easier. I wanted to hold on to the pain, as anything less might mean I want or even feel OK with forgetting him. Then a wonderful man suggested I try to think of how Warren would want me to remember him. And I also heard Warren whispering, "Jen, don't be so emotional. Be rational." He'd be so critical of me if I were to be trapped in darkness from his death. I don't think he ever understood how I could be so distressed over relationships or emotional things.
This morning was the first time I could wake up and not be sad. For the first few days, waking and sleeping were the hardest times - followed by driving. Those were the times I had to be alone. After a week, the grief moved into daily things. I tried to go to work - just for some distraction. However, my mind has been utterly unable to focus. I forget things. I start something and am so easily distracted. I don't know how I was able to finish the Open Enrollment at the office. My lists of To Do are so basic, I nearly include, "brush your teeth" on them. Don't ask me what the date is, I have no idea.
The shock has worn off and so far I'm stuck with the thought, "I want my brother back!" fills the pauses in the day. At those times I try to return to how he'd want me to remember him. He'd want me to remember how he took me to breakfast after my last break-up. He wanted to comfort me, but, for once, I didn't need it. I was touched that he tried. I remember our lunches where we'd but heads over our life choices... he thought I should be more like him, I thought he should be more like me. He had such a laser focus on life. My laser didn't have a focus, more it resembled the night sky in a planetarium. I have always struggled with a little jealousy and a little disdain for how he so early on found his passion and then did only that. Reading the blog will memories of him, he was so lucky to be able to fill his days with exactly his passion - Science & computers. That's all he needed. He never struggled with the question, "What should I do with my life?" He knew and he acted - and science has been blessed by the results.
I love you, too Warren.
I wish I never knew of your scientific achievements. I wish I just knew the brother who I loved and disparaged. The genius who I could feel superior to when I called to remind you to get a card & gift for Mom's birthday. Did you remember this year? I did.
I wish you were here. I just can't imagine how life will be without you.
It doesn't make sense. I'm not sure it ever will. Just a week prior he was off happily hiking in the mountains with his wife. Then he crashed and we couldn't save him.
The pain of losing him runs deeper than I thought possible. And I hadn't seen him since July. I did get a voicemail that I'm going to have saved. He said, "oh, and I Love You." at the end. We weren't close and that doesn't seem to matter. He was supposed to grow old with me. He was supposed to tell me how to better raise my kids (not that he'd know, having decided long ago that he wouldn't have any - and I don't have any yet).
Now I have a new marker... no longer does my time start with the birth of Christ. I mark things by his death. On Tuesday it was, He's been dead 1 week. Today it is 10 days since he died. Soon we'll have 1 month. After my birthday, it will be about 4 months. People keep saying, "the holidays will be tough." and "It gets easier with time." I'm still waiting for the 24 hours without tears maker.
At first I didn't want it to get easier. I wanted to hold on to the pain, as anything less might mean I want or even feel OK with forgetting him. Then a wonderful man suggested I try to think of how Warren would want me to remember him. And I also heard Warren whispering, "Jen, don't be so emotional. Be rational." He'd be so critical of me if I were to be trapped in darkness from his death. I don't think he ever understood how I could be so distressed over relationships or emotional things.
This morning was the first time I could wake up and not be sad. For the first few days, waking and sleeping were the hardest times - followed by driving. Those were the times I had to be alone. After a week, the grief moved into daily things. I tried to go to work - just for some distraction. However, my mind has been utterly unable to focus. I forget things. I start something and am so easily distracted. I don't know how I was able to finish the Open Enrollment at the office. My lists of To Do are so basic, I nearly include, "brush your teeth" on them. Don't ask me what the date is, I have no idea.
The shock has worn off and so far I'm stuck with the thought, "I want my brother back!" fills the pauses in the day. At those times I try to return to how he'd want me to remember him. He'd want me to remember how he took me to breakfast after my last break-up. He wanted to comfort me, but, for once, I didn't need it. I was touched that he tried. I remember our lunches where we'd but heads over our life choices... he thought I should be more like him, I thought he should be more like me. He had such a laser focus on life. My laser didn't have a focus, more it resembled the night sky in a planetarium. I have always struggled with a little jealousy and a little disdain for how he so early on found his passion and then did only that. Reading the blog will memories of him, he was so lucky to be able to fill his days with exactly his passion - Science & computers. That's all he needed. He never struggled with the question, "What should I do with my life?" He knew and he acted - and science has been blessed by the results.
I love you, too Warren.
I wish I never knew of your scientific achievements. I wish I just knew the brother who I loved and disparaged. The genius who I could feel superior to when I called to remind you to get a card & gift for Mom's birthday. Did you remember this year? I did.
I wish you were here. I just can't imagine how life will be without you.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
One Week, Two Towers
I got home today from a long, exhausting week.
Starting backward - At 4 AM this morning I woke up in Toronto. At 7 AM we were pulling away from the gate. I had upgraded to Economy Plus and even scored a bulkhead. Things were going good, until a frazzled mother of 3 children settled in behind me. She put her youngest little one behind me in a special seat that gave the tiny devil the 5 extra inches his legs needed to kick my chair. Clearly he wasn't happy about the arrangement, as he wailed and kicked on several occasions. I do believe he slept for about an hour - I took advantage of the silence. However he did awaken, poop himself (I'm guessing that was where the poop smell came from) and mom took him to the bathroom for a clean-up, giving me an extra 5 minutes of snoozing before the next round of kicking and wailing.
Having recently finished A Year Of Living Biblically, and thinking of how the author won a battle with his wee-one in a mature & biblical way. I did jerk around during one of his fits and caught eye contact with his mother. She knew what was going on and was doing her best to keep the kid under control. I could just tell that saying something would only frustrate her without getting us any closer to a more settled child. So I let it be thinking, "I'm sure I once kicked the crap out of chair when I was that small. Life comes full circle."
Eventually I opened the window just to see Yosemite go by - we flew just North of Half-Dome and I looked down to think, "I'm going to be there in 3 days!"
Friday was a good day. I didn't quite get in a work-out as planned. Having had my first full night sleep in 2 days, I traded the tread mill for for an extra 30 minutes of sleep. Work had piled up since my long trip to Toronto, and I wanted to get to the most urgent before spending the morning on a critical team building exercise on Lake Ontario. I won't bore you loyal reader with the details of the meeting.
Friday afternoon I took a lovely walk from my Westin Harbour Castle across the downtown to the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM). Lovely walk through the downtown to the University of Toronto where the ROM sits. I did check online and found that they had some discount program for Friday night, so there was a line out front. I enjoyed standing in it. I got handed a flyer by some passerby about the exhibition which happened to be on display - The Dead Sea Scrolls.
I thought we were done with the hubbub about the Dead Sea Scrolls. And I was right. What I didn't realize was that some Palestinian group believes they are the rightful property of Palestine and must be returned. In fact there were maybe 10 protesters. The flier they handed me stated that the scrolls had been in the East Jerusalem museum until their "unrightful theft" by Israel. What did I think? These scrolls have been safe & touring since their "theft". The scrolls are a bit of history - and unrivaled and precious gift. Why would we let that be in the care of a unstable government? Islamic extremists blew up statues of the Buddha, what would we put these treasures in their hands? I'm for holding on to the treasures securely in the west until the trouble in the middle east simmers down.
The scroll exhibit was fantastic. It took a call with Marc later in the evening to recall why they were so important... the text of the bible hasn't always been fixed. There were edits and different versions along the way. Next to it, I also got to see the Egyptian Book of the Dead, mummies and a lovely collection of Hellenistic Pottery. However, the end of the museum visit had to be the best - eating at their top floor restaurant. I dined on lamb with eggplant puree, something like hummus with tabbouleh. Stunning combination and I reflected that those who amassed the dead sea scrolls probably didn't dine this finely back 2000 years ago.
More later. We've got dinner to cook.
Starting backward - At 4 AM this morning I woke up in Toronto. At 7 AM we were pulling away from the gate. I had upgraded to Economy Plus and even scored a bulkhead. Things were going good, until a frazzled mother of 3 children settled in behind me. She put her youngest little one behind me in a special seat that gave the tiny devil the 5 extra inches his legs needed to kick my chair. Clearly he wasn't happy about the arrangement, as he wailed and kicked on several occasions. I do believe he slept for about an hour - I took advantage of the silence. However he did awaken, poop himself (I'm guessing that was where the poop smell came from) and mom took him to the bathroom for a clean-up, giving me an extra 5 minutes of snoozing before the next round of kicking and wailing.
Having recently finished A Year Of Living Biblically, and thinking of how the author won a battle with his wee-one in a mature & biblical way. I did jerk around during one of his fits and caught eye contact with his mother. She knew what was going on and was doing her best to keep the kid under control. I could just tell that saying something would only frustrate her without getting us any closer to a more settled child. So I let it be thinking, "I'm sure I once kicked the crap out of chair when I was that small. Life comes full circle."
Eventually I opened the window just to see Yosemite go by - we flew just North of Half-Dome and I looked down to think, "I'm going to be there in 3 days!"
Friday was a good day. I didn't quite get in a work-out as planned. Having had my first full night sleep in 2 days, I traded the tread mill for for an extra 30 minutes of sleep. Work had piled up since my long trip to Toronto, and I wanted to get to the most urgent before spending the morning on a critical team building exercise on Lake Ontario. I won't bore you loyal reader with the details of the meeting.
Friday afternoon I took a lovely walk from my Westin Harbour Castle across the downtown to the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM). Lovely walk through the downtown to the University of Toronto where the ROM sits. I did check online and found that they had some discount program for Friday night, so there was a line out front. I enjoyed standing in it. I got handed a flyer by some passerby about the exhibition which happened to be on display - The Dead Sea Scrolls.
I thought we were done with the hubbub about the Dead Sea Scrolls. And I was right. What I didn't realize was that some Palestinian group believes they are the rightful property of Palestine and must be returned. In fact there were maybe 10 protesters. The flier they handed me stated that the scrolls had been in the East Jerusalem museum until their "unrightful theft" by Israel. What did I think? These scrolls have been safe & touring since their "theft". The scrolls are a bit of history - and unrivaled and precious gift. Why would we let that be in the care of a unstable government? Islamic extremists blew up statues of the Buddha, what would we put these treasures in their hands? I'm for holding on to the treasures securely in the west until the trouble in the middle east simmers down.
The scroll exhibit was fantastic. It took a call with Marc later in the evening to recall why they were so important... the text of the bible hasn't always been fixed. There were edits and different versions along the way. Next to it, I also got to see the Egyptian Book of the Dead, mummies and a lovely collection of Hellenistic Pottery. However, the end of the museum visit had to be the best - eating at their top floor restaurant. I dined on lamb with eggplant puree, something like hummus with tabbouleh. Stunning combination and I reflected that those who amassed the dead sea scrolls probably didn't dine this finely back 2000 years ago.
More later. We've got dinner to cook.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Green Monsters
Two interesting articles (Thanks Mark Morford!)
First, my feeling that the Federal Organic Label was BS has been vindicated. Strange how I just knew that the "organics" at Safeway weren't right and I've even had some questions about Trader Joe's when it comes down to it. Evidently, the Federal Regulators have been swayed by the Food Industry and foods labeled USDA Organic have synthetic stuff in them. Ick!
Like the Hebrew Kosher labels, I need an Organic Label I can trust. I do trust Whole Foods, yet I would like to have a holy of holy Organic Label created & issued by an organization that I trust who clearly defines what it calls Organic; clearly stating what is pesticide free, what is free range and such.
The USDA - eh? Their concerns: "The market's expansion is fueling tension over whether the federal program should be governed by a strict interpretation of "organic" or broadened to include more products by allowing trace elements of non-organic substances" Yikes.
Next - While I'm not going to feed these things to my worms, here's a list of 75 things you can compost. Who knew? And I'm not sure I want the contents of my vacuum bag added to the worms who will produce compost that I'll put on my organic garden. Yeah, but I do have 2 compost piles - the organic & the not-so-organic. The not-so-organic will get used in the garden on things that don't go into the food chain, while the strictly organic will get infused into the veggie patch.
So go forth and be green!
First, my feeling that the Federal Organic Label was BS has been vindicated. Strange how I just knew that the "organics" at Safeway weren't right and I've even had some questions about Trader Joe's when it comes down to it. Evidently, the Federal Regulators have been swayed by the Food Industry and foods labeled USDA Organic have synthetic stuff in them. Ick!
Like the Hebrew Kosher labels, I need an Organic Label I can trust. I do trust Whole Foods, yet I would like to have a holy of holy Organic Label created & issued by an organization that I trust who clearly defines what it calls Organic; clearly stating what is pesticide free, what is free range and such.
The USDA - eh? Their concerns: "The market's expansion is fueling tension over whether the federal program should be governed by a strict interpretation of "organic" or broadened to include more products by allowing trace elements of non-organic substances" Yikes.
Next - While I'm not going to feed these things to my worms, here's a list of 75 things you can compost. Who knew? And I'm not sure I want the contents of my vacuum bag added to the worms who will produce compost that I'll put on my organic garden. Yeah, but I do have 2 compost piles - the organic & the not-so-organic. The not-so-organic will get used in the garden on things that don't go into the food chain, while the strictly organic will get infused into the veggie patch.
So go forth and be green!
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Finding Time
I used my East Coast Lunch Break to walk the dogs today. The last time they had gotten out for a stretch of the paw was Saturday. I feel terrible. They hang out all day with us. They look at us with those longing eyes. How can I be so neglectful?
However with the summer heat, the dog walking window has shrunk. By 10 AM the temperatures pass 80 degrees, which I enjoy. However, their fur coats do limit their enjoyment of the sun. So the walk has to happen first thing or at the end of the day.
The end of the day poses problems. Sunday we were crashing from a long, fun friend filled weekend. Yesterday I didn't come home until 10, as I got invited to dinner with Ilyse and friends. We did have a lovely time, enjoying chatting & curry in the Richmond District. However, the four-of-paw were left out of the good times.
The last week has been a non-stop run of friends & fun. Thursday we briefly saw Aaron. We saw Greg while loading my furniture into the U-Haul. Saturday Shawn celebrated her birthday with friends & family. Sunday Jen & baby joined us for amazing pancakes. I got in a chat with Gail before old friends Kairi visited with her daughter & husband. Yesterday I had time with Liz -shopping for a B-day gift for Hil's, then dinner with Ilyse, Matt & friends. Fun and exhausting. And I know there are so many others I didn't get to have time with, and are on the horizon. I think making time for friends would be a lovely full time job - not sure how I'd pay the mortgage, eat and fuel the mini - but fun!
Today may be quieter.
However with the summer heat, the dog walking window has shrunk. By 10 AM the temperatures pass 80 degrees, which I enjoy. However, their fur coats do limit their enjoyment of the sun. So the walk has to happen first thing or at the end of the day.
The end of the day poses problems. Sunday we were crashing from a long, fun friend filled weekend. Yesterday I didn't come home until 10, as I got invited to dinner with Ilyse and friends. We did have a lovely time, enjoying chatting & curry in the Richmond District. However, the four-of-paw were left out of the good times.
The last week has been a non-stop run of friends & fun. Thursday we briefly saw Aaron. We saw Greg while loading my furniture into the U-Haul. Saturday Shawn celebrated her birthday with friends & family. Sunday Jen & baby joined us for amazing pancakes. I got in a chat with Gail before old friends Kairi visited with her daughter & husband. Yesterday I had time with Liz -shopping for a B-day gift for Hil's, then dinner with Ilyse, Matt & friends. Fun and exhausting. And I know there are so many others I didn't get to have time with, and are on the horizon. I think making time for friends would be a lovely full time job - not sure how I'd pay the mortgage, eat and fuel the mini - but fun!
Today may be quieter.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
More Growth on the Way
After letting the dirt settle from the De-Corn-ification, I felt ready to plant this weekend. I decided that I would need to let my seedlings eat or grow, so I pulled out the two remaining cauliflower/broccoli plants and put in a row of mystery Arugula/Beet plants. I'm hoping they take and don't get devoured as my little basil did.
I also put some basil in dirt and am hoping to grow it as well. Part of this weekend's efforts included a massive tomato harvest. Yesterday, from the harvest, I made divine tomato, basil, garlic pasta sauce. I was so proud when Marc told me it was the first time he's every really liked pasta. So proud!
But I did have to purchase the basil and now, again, I've got a load of basil. With my last two efforts in pesto making being somewhat unsuccessful, I'm thinking of other options for the basil. I still have tomatoes and i'm wondering if I can make some yummy bruchetta.
Also planted this weekend - thanks mom for the seeds! - carrots. My mom has never had luck with carrots so gave me this pack of seeds. She said to take care that the ground stays damp. I probably should have put a layer of mulch over the little seeds, but I was afraid of impeding their potential growth.
Next to the scattering of carrots, I planted a row of sunflowers. I'm not a big sunflower seed eater, however I did read a little article in Sunset Magazine about this: www.greatsunflower.org
I just realized I might not be using the correct type of sunflowers... I'm going to have to go out and find others. We'll see. I have time.
Time does seem to be on my side. However, nature does seem to be moving in. I haven't yet seen another Horn Worm and the Green Looper Caterpillar count is way down - bordering on 0. However, I do find these orange/black bugs that seem to be hanging out near white spots in the leaves. I've been fighting some mite infestations, I will need to do another organic spray-down this weekend. And there seems to be a growing population of spiders - which isn't the worst thing, I just wish they'd eat more of the mites. The ecosystem is evoloving. Along with it, I've had to evolve a doggie guard, as I think Zoe has developed a taste for my fresh from the vine fruit.
All in all, I'm happy with it.
I also put some basil in dirt and am hoping to grow it as well. Part of this weekend's efforts included a massive tomato harvest. Yesterday, from the harvest, I made divine tomato, basil, garlic pasta sauce. I was so proud when Marc told me it was the first time he's every really liked pasta. So proud!
But I did have to purchase the basil and now, again, I've got a load of basil. With my last two efforts in pesto making being somewhat unsuccessful, I'm thinking of other options for the basil. I still have tomatoes and i'm wondering if I can make some yummy bruchetta.
Also planted this weekend - thanks mom for the seeds! - carrots. My mom has never had luck with carrots so gave me this pack of seeds. She said to take care that the ground stays damp. I probably should have put a layer of mulch over the little seeds, but I was afraid of impeding their potential growth.
Next to the scattering of carrots, I planted a row of sunflowers. I'm not a big sunflower seed eater, however I did read a little article in Sunset Magazine about this: www.greatsunflower.org
I just realized I might not be using the correct type of sunflowers... I'm going to have to go out and find others. We'll see. I have time.
Time does seem to be on my side. However, nature does seem to be moving in. I haven't yet seen another Horn Worm and the Green Looper Caterpillar count is way down - bordering on 0. However, I do find these orange/black bugs that seem to be hanging out near white spots in the leaves. I've been fighting some mite infestations, I will need to do another organic spray-down this weekend. And there seems to be a growing population of spiders - which isn't the worst thing, I just wish they'd eat more of the mites. The ecosystem is evoloving. Along with it, I've had to evolve a doggie guard, as I think Zoe has developed a taste for my fresh from the vine fruit.
All in all, I'm happy with it.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Growing Big Things
Sunday I pulled out the two rows of corn. Friday I had harvested 2 ears and boiled them up, only to find that they were as hard as plastic. I searched on the web for the story behind why my corn would be like rock and learned that it was due to my harvesting too late.
Saturday I went out and collected all the corn I could. I hucked it and gave the strings & husks to the worms. After boiling it up, I found that about half of it was edible. Sad. The corn stalks had grown so tall and were such a point of pride. Too bad they didn't do so well in the production department. They suffered from mites at the end. Black mites which coated the ears like a mold.
Sunday the stalks were chopped down. I cut them up and put them in the pile of unwanted plant remains that is growing in the side yard need the gate in the fence. I felt sad and betrayed. All that love. All that water. Had I failed them or them me?
My attempts at growing seedlings has stalled. Some started and died in the hot sun, despite my watering. Others have found to be tasty nibbles for some unseen, and so far unstoppable, leave nibbler. Of the 20 onion seeds planted, I have 4 small shoots. I can't tell the arugula from the beets, as they both have red stalks for some reason.
The little plants looks too delicate to forcefully relocated into the soil. Then where can I plan them to allow them to thrive? I think they should go where the broccoli/cauliflower runts were. There they can get sun. The space left vacant by the corn has partial shade due to the 6 ft tall tomato plants blocking out the sun.
We'll see where they land.
Saturday I went out and collected all the corn I could. I hucked it and gave the strings & husks to the worms. After boiling it up, I found that about half of it was edible. Sad. The corn stalks had grown so tall and were such a point of pride. Too bad they didn't do so well in the production department. They suffered from mites at the end. Black mites which coated the ears like a mold.
Sunday the stalks were chopped down. I cut them up and put them in the pile of unwanted plant remains that is growing in the side yard need the gate in the fence. I felt sad and betrayed. All that love. All that water. Had I failed them or them me?
My attempts at growing seedlings has stalled. Some started and died in the hot sun, despite my watering. Others have found to be tasty nibbles for some unseen, and so far unstoppable, leave nibbler. Of the 20 onion seeds planted, I have 4 small shoots. I can't tell the arugula from the beets, as they both have red stalks for some reason.
The little plants looks too delicate to forcefully relocated into the soil. Then where can I plan them to allow them to thrive? I think they should go where the broccoli/cauliflower runts were. There they can get sun. The space left vacant by the corn has partial shade due to the 6 ft tall tomato plants blocking out the sun.
We'll see where they land.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Race Relations
I just saw this article:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/07/22/gates.arrest.reaction/
A prominent black scholar was arrested, in his home, as a suspect for burglary. Some white woman called in and reported a break-in at the man's address, the police came and arrested the man. Stunning.
Now, this could be a Saturday Night Live skit - but have the break-in be at the white house and poor O'bama getting arrested. Would be quite a statement. Not sure if its funny, as it hits too close to home. The DC Police can make a statement like, "It was an unfortunate and regrettable incident".
Underneath - the head of our Supreme Court states, "The only way to end race discrimination is to stop discriminating." That's working out real well, don't you find? This man has no recourse. He's taken in, booked and harassed - impacting his standing in the community. Impacting his life, as he might have had work he needed to do or time to spend with his family, but instead, the state has taken his time & well being based on race. Imagine this a million times over.
When I was a child, my friend Cheran's mother was a judge. She went to South Africa when there was still apartheid where she got arrested by the police. I think it was due to being a black woman with a camera. When asked what she did, the police didn't believe she was a judge in America. Their bias was so thick, telling them the truth - that a black man owns a mansion in Cambridge or that Amercians might find that blacks are the intellectual equals of whites - doesn't penetrate their thick skulls.
I don't want to be judged by a court who is lead by a man who doesn't understand the impact of being black, latino/a, asian or female in this society. His insulated, posh, caucasian background prevents him from understanding the lumpy impact of the law's uneven application. I am excited to have Sotomeyer on the Supreme Court and to see the influence of her Wise Latina self.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/07/22/gates.arrest.reaction/
A prominent black scholar was arrested, in his home, as a suspect for burglary. Some white woman called in and reported a break-in at the man's address, the police came and arrested the man. Stunning.
Now, this could be a Saturday Night Live skit - but have the break-in be at the white house and poor O'bama getting arrested. Would be quite a statement. Not sure if its funny, as it hits too close to home. The DC Police can make a statement like, "It was an unfortunate and regrettable incident".
Underneath - the head of our Supreme Court states, "The only way to end race discrimination is to stop discriminating." That's working out real well, don't you find? This man has no recourse. He's taken in, booked and harassed - impacting his standing in the community. Impacting his life, as he might have had work he needed to do or time to spend with his family, but instead, the state has taken his time & well being based on race. Imagine this a million times over.
When I was a child, my friend Cheran's mother was a judge. She went to South Africa when there was still apartheid where she got arrested by the police. I think it was due to being a black woman with a camera. When asked what she did, the police didn't believe she was a judge in America. Their bias was so thick, telling them the truth - that a black man owns a mansion in Cambridge or that Amercians might find that blacks are the intellectual equals of whites - doesn't penetrate their thick skulls.
I don't want to be judged by a court who is lead by a man who doesn't understand the impact of being black, latino/a, asian or female in this society. His insulated, posh, caucasian background prevents him from understanding the lumpy impact of the law's uneven application. I am excited to have Sotomeyer on the Supreme Court and to see the influence of her Wise Latina self.
Monday, July 06, 2009
Feeling sick
What shall I name this little guy? I found him happily eating my mound of tomato plants. He evoked a little yelp and near sprint to the garden door. When I noticed him, he was high up and only a few inches from my face. I think he (or she, who knows) could have happily hopped over to my nose, were it foliage instead of flesh and continued to chow down.Now I'm not sure what to do with him. Nor what to name him. I took a close-up of his head & claws. He has
Each of his little paws has ten or twelve little spiky-grippy things that help him cling to my tomato.I enlarged the photo and was fascinated by his features. The polka dot pattern; the little hairs; the faux eyes; the under the mouth claws to help guide in the leaves; his upper lip that appears to end in teeth.
I feel queazy. And the worst part is that I know he isn't the only one. There must be more where this guy came from.
I've got goose bumps on my arms and I swear I can feel one of them crawling on my neck, under my hair.
Here he's posing on a CD to give you a sense of size. Can you see the claw-hook that sticks out as a dog's tail would, but in this case it is more like a thorn defense found on so many plants.
At first I got him into a paper cup. My first instinct was to run. Then I realized I had to remove this critter from my garden before it ate every leaf & stem. I wrested him into a cup with a chop-stick and sacrificed th tomato branch in the process - he wasn't going to let go! Next - bring the cup that was not coated in green caterpillar blood up to Marc to show him. I left him the cup. Really, I don't know what to do with it!
Sunday, July 05, 2009
War of the Roses
Nature has reclaimed my vegetable plot. The pristine, bug free Eden is giving way to the creepy crawlies of the fallen land. Last week, itt started with a large black spider. I let it hop away, as I peeked around for any green loopers. After I harvested the collard greens & lettuce, the earwig count and caterpillar counts dropped dramatically.
On the same day I found the spider, I found a yet to be identified black and orange beetle. The next day one of my plants - unsure if it is a broccoli or cauliflower - was showing some mites. I washed them off. The next day I found the plant with a mite blanket and realized I had to take action.
Friday I visited the local nursery. The visit had three purposes, to get some organic soapy insecticide, get me some live insecticide in the form of lady bugs and finally, to get some sort of trellis to restrict the growth of my tomatoes. The woman at Pompei Nursery helped me out, going above & beyond to answer my newbie questions. She patiently listened to me discribe the tomato situation and suggested that the plants were probably spending a lot of their energy producing those vines. The arms of the tomato plants were twisting their way through the corn, over-hanging the bell peppers and oppressing my broccoli.
I came home and did a big tomato trim, after having been emboldened by the lady at the nursery. I trimeed down all arms without actual baby tomatoes. I dramatically scaled back the massive mound. Then, using an article my mother clipped for me, I found that my tomatoes are indeterminate - so I should have these for a long time. Marc came out and assisted me with the installation of the trellis bits. We created two wall-like breaks onto which the tomatoes can climb find support. They seemed happy today after we got it all settled.
Back to the bugs - I used the insecticide soap, which smelled so good, I had a hard time knowing when to stop the application. However, the bugs were still there this morning. Saturday AM I had released one of the two containers of ladybugs, yet I put some on the plant with the mites but they didn't seem interested. I did'n'g get the impression that they were ready to much down.
Then this morning, I discover three of those big (say .5 inches by .33 inches) orange & black bugs. Writing about them makes my skin crawl. The ceiling fan gently blows my hair on my neck and I keep thinking that it is the bugs and each sentance I type gets interrupted by a swipe of the hand to my shoulder. Ick.
Marc came out to visit me as I tended the plants and immediated spotted a bug that we later idetified as a stink bug. It pushed me over the edge. We did research on the web and found that many bugs are made scarce by spraying down plants with a mixture of molasses and water. So I grabbed our yet to be used spray pump, filled it up with the mixture and coated my garden and self with the mixture. I'm hoping to check tomorrow that it worked. Either way, I'll be releasing the 2nd round of the ladybugs in the morning. The thought of keeping them for another day in the refridge breaks my heart. Those creatures should be free and out in the world, doing good.
I'm hoping I can find a way to manage the bugs, the blissful plant-it-and-it-will-grow halcyon days at the start of my garden seem to be fading. I am also having problems in the worm farm. I believe I added too much food without providing worm bedding. When putting in the bits from today's cooking, I found that there weren't as may worms as I would have liked. In addition, I found two nearly 1 inch long grubs. Not good. I may need to harvest the compost and get new worms supplies. I'm hoping that I the little guys were just hiding, not missing all together.
Sad day in the garden.
On the same day I found the spider, I found a yet to be identified black and orange beetle. The next day one of my plants - unsure if it is a broccoli or cauliflower - was showing some mites. I washed them off. The next day I found the plant with a mite blanket and realized I had to take action.
Friday I visited the local nursery. The visit had three purposes, to get some organic soapy insecticide, get me some live insecticide in the form of lady bugs and finally, to get some sort of trellis to restrict the growth of my tomatoes. The woman at Pompei Nursery helped me out, going above & beyond to answer my newbie questions. She patiently listened to me discribe the tomato situation and suggested that the plants were probably spending a lot of their energy producing those vines. The arms of the tomato plants were twisting their way through the corn, over-hanging the bell peppers and oppressing my broccoli.
I came home and did a big tomato trim, after having been emboldened by the lady at the nursery. I trimeed down all arms without actual baby tomatoes. I dramatically scaled back the massive mound. Then, using an article my mother clipped for me, I found that my tomatoes are indeterminate - so I should have these for a long time. Marc came out and assisted me with the installation of the trellis bits. We created two wall-like breaks onto which the tomatoes can climb find support. They seemed happy today after we got it all settled.
Back to the bugs - I used the insecticide soap, which smelled so good, I had a hard time knowing when to stop the application. However, the bugs were still there this morning. Saturday AM I had released one of the two containers of ladybugs, yet I put some on the plant with the mites but they didn't seem interested. I did'n'g get the impression that they were ready to much down.
Then this morning, I discover three of those big (say .5 inches by .33 inches) orange & black bugs. Writing about them makes my skin crawl. The ceiling fan gently blows my hair on my neck and I keep thinking that it is the bugs and each sentance I type gets interrupted by a swipe of the hand to my shoulder. Ick.
Marc came out to visit me as I tended the plants and immediated spotted a bug that we later idetified as a stink bug. It pushed me over the edge. We did research on the web and found that many bugs are made scarce by spraying down plants with a mixture of molasses and water. So I grabbed our yet to be used spray pump, filled it up with the mixture and coated my garden and self with the mixture. I'm hoping to check tomorrow that it worked. Either way, I'll be releasing the 2nd round of the ladybugs in the morning. The thought of keeping them for another day in the refridge breaks my heart. Those creatures should be free and out in the world, doing good.
I'm hoping I can find a way to manage the bugs, the blissful plant-it-and-it-will-grow halcyon days at the start of my garden seem to be fading. I am also having problems in the worm farm. I believe I added too much food without providing worm bedding. When putting in the bits from today's cooking, I found that there weren't as may worms as I would have liked. In addition, I found two nearly 1 inch long grubs. Not good. I may need to harvest the compost and get new worms supplies. I'm hoping that I the little guys were just hiding, not missing all together.
Sad day in the garden.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Living with a Killer
About 5:15 this morning Tiger wakes us with her special meow. The one that says, "I'm tracking my wounded prey for my amusement." The morning light doesn't illuminate the shadows enough for us to identify the silent victim, so we try to go back to sleep while hoping that whatever it is will not join us in bed.
Fifteen minutes later I climb out of bed to find that she's taken on one of the large moths - it would cover 1/2 my palm were I not to chicken to hold it - and is chasing it around the master bath. I dodge the moth while brushing my teeth, secretly cheering when it finds refuge behind the shutters of a window that, initially, seemed too high for Tiger to get to. I pray for the bug's escape, while being utterly unable to assist it, as well as for a quick death, if that is the critter's fate. She takes a break to come over to me, in hopes that I might giver he a little affection or turn the tap so she can drink from the faucet. Cheeky, as the Brits would say.
An hour later the bug is silent, yet Tiger is hopping up and somehow clininging to the bottom of the blinds, suspending herself - I don't know how, cand she get her claws into the drywall? I haven't checked on the bug.
When I moved in with Tiger, Marc mentioned that she would do this sort of thing. I didn't believe him. I've lived with cats and, yes, there is the occasional mouse and bird, but moths? lizards? He had to be joking. No - here on the edge of the delta, there seems to be more wildlife. She regularly brings in 3 inch lizards. Two nights ago she had one in the hall between the garage & kitchen. I saw her, then realized what she had and squealed. That set off the dogs - Austin running to my rescue by biting the lizard. 10 minutes later I mustered up the courage to check on the critter - one eye had popped out, yet hung by something.
The lizards I will save. Last week we chased off the Tiger & the dogs - the barkers get excited when I squeal - and we used an empty coffee tin to trap a gecko. Catch & release. I just can't muster the courage to help the bugs. Yesterday morning I went to pick up, what I thought was a blade or grass or thin leaf from the floor of the master bath, assuming it was something that Tsui had picked out of her, now mohawked, coat. Silly me. Marc laughed as I yelped and flung the detached tail across the room. The feel of the limp, rough, no mistaking what it ickiness was almost too much for me.
The bits are the worst - Tiger has a love for decapitation. I've cleaned up multiple headless bodies left about the house. She loses interest when they cease moving, it seems. I think she figures that the game is done and she's ready for some kitty treats.
I'll check for the bug remains tonight, after I've mustered up the courage - or, I'll ask Marc, if I haven't stealed my stomach.
Fifteen minutes later I climb out of bed to find that she's taken on one of the large moths - it would cover 1/2 my palm were I not to chicken to hold it - and is chasing it around the master bath. I dodge the moth while brushing my teeth, secretly cheering when it finds refuge behind the shutters of a window that, initially, seemed too high for Tiger to get to. I pray for the bug's escape, while being utterly unable to assist it, as well as for a quick death, if that is the critter's fate. She takes a break to come over to me, in hopes that I might giver he a little affection or turn the tap so she can drink from the faucet. Cheeky, as the Brits would say.
An hour later the bug is silent, yet Tiger is hopping up and somehow clininging to the bottom of the blinds, suspending herself - I don't know how, cand she get her claws into the drywall? I haven't checked on the bug.
When I moved in with Tiger, Marc mentioned that she would do this sort of thing. I didn't believe him. I've lived with cats and, yes, there is the occasional mouse and bird, but moths? lizards? He had to be joking. No - here on the edge of the delta, there seems to be more wildlife. She regularly brings in 3 inch lizards. Two nights ago she had one in the hall between the garage & kitchen. I saw her, then realized what she had and squealed. That set off the dogs - Austin running to my rescue by biting the lizard. 10 minutes later I mustered up the courage to check on the critter - one eye had popped out, yet hung by something.
The lizards I will save. Last week we chased off the Tiger & the dogs - the barkers get excited when I squeal - and we used an empty coffee tin to trap a gecko. Catch & release. I just can't muster the courage to help the bugs. Yesterday morning I went to pick up, what I thought was a blade or grass or thin leaf from the floor of the master bath, assuming it was something that Tsui had picked out of her, now mohawked, coat. Silly me. Marc laughed as I yelped and flung the detached tail across the room. The feel of the limp, rough, no mistaking what it ickiness was almost too much for me.
The bits are the worst - Tiger has a love for decapitation. I've cleaned up multiple headless bodies left about the house. She loses interest when they cease moving, it seems. I think she figures that the game is done and she's ready for some kitty treats.
I'll check for the bug remains tonight, after I've mustered up the courage - or, I'll ask Marc, if I haven't stealed my stomach.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Time and Energy
Each day starts and we choose how to live it. Certain hours are devoted to sleep; others to work and finally, time to play.
Walking the dogs this morning I was struck at how our choices have changed over the centuries. Reading The Woman in White, nearly all the characters would take time each day for a walk. The expression, Morning Constitutional comes from that I believe. The author clearly valued such behavior, as all the good people were disposed to activity, while the villains were not known for having any physical habits.
It got me to thinking - what do I value? Where do I put my time, money & energy. The recent trip with Marc to attend his step-mother's funeral was a value decision. For me, time with Marc and being with his family during the funeral embodied the value I place on family; I spend my time, energy & money on family.
Likewise, I am invested in our upcoming trip to Peru. Having read about it in the guidebook, researched the guide options and assisted with the deposit. Yet, I realized I've been thinking more about a trip to Alaska. I have always wanted to visit Alaska- see Denali, cross into the Arctic Cirlce and check out the glaciers. That's supposed to be for next summer, yet I'm already there.
On the smaller end, I organize my day to have work time, time for home life (cooking and tending my garden) and time at the gym. I like to have a walk with the dogs. This morning they were running in the sprinklers with the biggest grins on their faces. Funny the sense of accomplishment I felt for giving our dogs that joy. They are family too and I want the best for them.
Watching TV makes me itch - as I can feel time passing and know I'm losing hours that could be spent in more engaging pursuits. I buy audiobooks to both enhance my learning and make use of time in the car that might otherwise be lost. At times, I realize I get compulsive about it all. I schedule these things - in the last few years, I've tried to get to Boston & Austin to see friends & family on an every other year schedule.
But then I think, yes I am compusive, yet those I'm visiting don't do the same. And I start to think and look at where those around me put their time, energy and money. They make the same choices I do each day, maybe not as compulsively analyzied, yet they are the same choices. Who should I see? How should I spend my paycheck? What show should I watch? What book to read? Gym or Work? And then I step back and compare. If I'm investing me into these things, shouldn't others be matching me?
Where do you put your resources? What does that say about you and your values?
Walking the dogs this morning I was struck at how our choices have changed over the centuries. Reading The Woman in White, nearly all the characters would take time each day for a walk. The expression, Morning Constitutional comes from that I believe. The author clearly valued such behavior, as all the good people were disposed to activity, while the villains were not known for having any physical habits.
It got me to thinking - what do I value? Where do I put my time, money & energy. The recent trip with Marc to attend his step-mother's funeral was a value decision. For me, time with Marc and being with his family during the funeral embodied the value I place on family; I spend my time, energy & money on family.
Likewise, I am invested in our upcoming trip to Peru. Having read about it in the guidebook, researched the guide options and assisted with the deposit. Yet, I realized I've been thinking more about a trip to Alaska. I have always wanted to visit Alaska- see Denali, cross into the Arctic Cirlce and check out the glaciers. That's supposed to be for next summer, yet I'm already there.
On the smaller end, I organize my day to have work time, time for home life (cooking and tending my garden) and time at the gym. I like to have a walk with the dogs. This morning they were running in the sprinklers with the biggest grins on their faces. Funny the sense of accomplishment I felt for giving our dogs that joy. They are family too and I want the best for them.
Watching TV makes me itch - as I can feel time passing and know I'm losing hours that could be spent in more engaging pursuits. I buy audiobooks to both enhance my learning and make use of time in the car that might otherwise be lost. At times, I realize I get compulsive about it all. I schedule these things - in the last few years, I've tried to get to Boston & Austin to see friends & family on an every other year schedule.
But then I think, yes I am compusive, yet those I'm visiting don't do the same. And I start to think and look at where those around me put their time, energy and money. They make the same choices I do each day, maybe not as compulsively analyzied, yet they are the same choices. Who should I see? How should I spend my paycheck? What show should I watch? What book to read? Gym or Work? And then I step back and compare. If I'm investing me into these things, shouldn't others be matching me?
Where do you put your resources? What does that say about you and your values?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Garden Report
Today I took to the tomatoes. They had grown taller than me - really, a tomato plant that was over 5'9"! However the plants slumped this weekend. I blame it on the wind that was blowing this weekend. The gusts pushed & tossed my vines, so that they are now expanding. In an effort to trim the fabulous five plants back a bit, I tried to take off all non-flowering, non-tomato producing growth. It was a herculean task and the entire creation still appears to be flopping about. There are flowers on nearly every stalk as well as little tomatoes and bigger green tomatoes.
On Monday I was tending them and found the first red cherry tomato. I took it in, showed it to Marc and then enjoyed it. The rest of the tomatoes are stubbornly holding on to their Green like Irish on St. Patty's Day. I check daily for any signs of red within the expanding green mass. Each day I'm disappointed. How could there be just one red tomato? Wouldn't it have little tomato-mates that grew with it? If so, they are well hidden among the rich smelly branches.
On sadder note, I had to pull up yet another broccoli plant. I feel so bad. I helped created these plants. I put them in the ground and encouraged them to take root. But, after they didn't perform, I have cruelly removed them from the plot - in a plan to make way for more productive things. I'm making the garden for growth and yet I reap and destroy plants in the process.
Back to the good news... the Zucchini plant is thriving. I've got a think - we're talking over 1.5 inches in diameter think - zucchini growing with two following closely. I think I'll harvest this round on Friday for dinner - we'll have Zucchini & steak and corn. And there's a fleet of little pre-zucchinis waiting their turn to grow big & sweet.
The corn plants have shot up and are now working hard on their ears. I don't know when to harvest and am trying to find that information on the web. Similarly, I'm trying to figure out why my cauliflower hasn't done its thing and grown a head either.
Here's the instructions:
http://www.ehow.com/how_9878_grow-cauliflower.html
Step 4: Keep cauliflower plants evenly moist; especially when they're small, they need about 1 inch of water a week, whether from rain or the garden hose.
Step 5: Start the blanching process when the flower head (also called a curd or button) is about the size of an egg. Make sure neither it nor the foliage is wet; otherwise the plant may rot. Loop heavy twine around the leaves, gently lift them up and tie them together. The aim is to keep light and moisture out, but to let air in and also leave room for the flower to grow inside its shelter.
Do you notice some dramatic lack of information... I put the plants into the ground and have been waiting for the head/curd/button... for naught. There's no indication of time. But I did realized the first paragraph states, "Though it's a cool-season vegetable, it can't tolerate weather that's too hot or too cold" Cool-Season veg - like growing it in 90+ degree heat might now work? I'll feel so sad pulling it out. I was just rejoicing my victory over the caterpillars - they seem to have disappeared.
Now, I did see a little something that made me happy:
http://www.growingpower.org/
Their mission: "Inspiring communities to build sustainable food systems that are equitable and ecologically sound, creating a just world, one food-secure community at a time."
Pretty neat - I wonder how that might get going in my community.
On Monday I was tending them and found the first red cherry tomato. I took it in, showed it to Marc and then enjoyed it. The rest of the tomatoes are stubbornly holding on to their Green like Irish on St. Patty's Day. I check daily for any signs of red within the expanding green mass. Each day I'm disappointed. How could there be just one red tomato? Wouldn't it have little tomato-mates that grew with it? If so, they are well hidden among the rich smelly branches.
On sadder note, I had to pull up yet another broccoli plant. I feel so bad. I helped created these plants. I put them in the ground and encouraged them to take root. But, after they didn't perform, I have cruelly removed them from the plot - in a plan to make way for more productive things. I'm making the garden for growth and yet I reap and destroy plants in the process.
Back to the good news... the Zucchini plant is thriving. I've got a think - we're talking over 1.5 inches in diameter think - zucchini growing with two following closely. I think I'll harvest this round on Friday for dinner - we'll have Zucchini & steak and corn. And there's a fleet of little pre-zucchinis waiting their turn to grow big & sweet.
The corn plants have shot up and are now working hard on their ears. I don't know when to harvest and am trying to find that information on the web. Similarly, I'm trying to figure out why my cauliflower hasn't done its thing and grown a head either.
Here's the instructions:
http://www.ehow.com/how_9878_grow-cauliflower.html
Step 4: Keep cauliflower plants evenly moist; especially when they're small, they need about 1 inch of water a week, whether from rain or the garden hose.
Step 5: Start the blanching process when the flower head (also called a curd or button) is about the size of an egg. Make sure neither it nor the foliage is wet; otherwise the plant may rot. Loop heavy twine around the leaves, gently lift them up and tie them together. The aim is to keep light and moisture out, but to let air in and also leave room for the flower to grow inside its shelter.
Do you notice some dramatic lack of information... I put the plants into the ground and have been waiting for the head/curd/button... for naught. There's no indication of time. But I did realized the first paragraph states, "Though it's a cool-season vegetable, it can't tolerate weather that's too hot or too cold" Cool-Season veg - like growing it in 90+ degree heat might now work? I'll feel so sad pulling it out. I was just rejoicing my victory over the caterpillars - they seem to have disappeared.
Now, I did see a little something that made me happy:
http://www.growingpower.org/
Their mission: "Inspiring communities to build sustainable food systems that are equitable and ecologically sound, creating a just world, one food-secure community at a time."
Pretty neat - I wonder how that might get going in my community.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Adult life in the 'burbs
At 9 months, my parents moved me & my brother to an Eichler settlement in Palo Alto, CA. As long as I could remember, our house was fire engine red with white trim. The house had few windows on the front and was a wall of plate glass in the back.
Eichlers were mass produced homes built in the 1950's for solders to move into with their young wives to raise their families. My house had 4 bedrooms, 2 baths and atrium with the most prolific lemon tree, the kitchen that opened in to the diningroom and a living room. All that was tucked into less than 2000 sq. ft, single story, detached house. The walls were thin and I'm still amazed I was able to sneak out at night without my mom knowing.
About 5 blocks from home was the Eichler Swim & Tennis club. Our little club had maybe 6 tennis courts, probably only 4; one big pool with 5 or 6 lanes and a deep bit off the laned portion that went to 10 ft deep and had a diving board. There was the baby pool which we grew out of but took over on occasion. 6 of us could get in and circle around the small round pool, creating a whirlpool. When the water started to splash out the sides the life guards often noticed and kicked us out. Fifteen minutes of every hour was Adult Swim when we all would like on the cement drying off, letting the adults have a chance to enjoy the water without their little ones clinging to them.
Fast forward 25 years and I'm again living in a housing development. Only this time the homes are built on an entirely different scale. Marc's house is over 3000 sq ft. We have 4 bedrooms, but 3.5 baths - with the master bath being bigger than the bedroom I had when growing up. The upstairs has the bedrooms, a loft area, laundry and a high, double height section. The ground floor has the gourmet kitchen, breakfast room, den, living room (we call that the library) and then the garage. Everything is bigger than my little place in Palo Alto.
The bigness extends to the neighborhood. The parks are bigger and more abundant. My new club - it isn't just swim & tennis, but also a gym, childcare, basketball courts and spa. Their are at least a dozen tennis courts - some are even covered in this massive dome thing. The pools are bigger - 2 hot tubs (one is adults only), the family pool with the baby pool attached, the lap pool with 6 lanes and then a covered lap pool that gets used for aquasize. The changing room has showers, lockers, a sauna & steam room. The cars in the lot are bigger - though that has more to do with the migration of sububan moms from volvo station wagons to Bloated Land-ships. The people also seem bigger, but maybe that's just my being judgemental.
I'm not sure bigger is better. I do feel a twang of guilt when we close the windows against the 100 degree heat and enjoy the airconditioning - another feature missing from my childhood home. I appreciate the yardage of counter space in the kitchen, yet could do without the breakfast nook. Where does it stop? Our massive over consuption - I'm living it. Get me some solar panels!
Eichlers were mass produced homes built in the 1950's for solders to move into with their young wives to raise their families. My house had 4 bedrooms, 2 baths and atrium with the most prolific lemon tree, the kitchen that opened in to the diningroom and a living room. All that was tucked into less than 2000 sq. ft, single story, detached house. The walls were thin and I'm still amazed I was able to sneak out at night without my mom knowing.
About 5 blocks from home was the Eichler Swim & Tennis club. Our little club had maybe 6 tennis courts, probably only 4; one big pool with 5 or 6 lanes and a deep bit off the laned portion that went to 10 ft deep and had a diving board. There was the baby pool which we grew out of but took over on occasion. 6 of us could get in and circle around the small round pool, creating a whirlpool. When the water started to splash out the sides the life guards often noticed and kicked us out. Fifteen minutes of every hour was Adult Swim when we all would like on the cement drying off, letting the adults have a chance to enjoy the water without their little ones clinging to them.
Fast forward 25 years and I'm again living in a housing development. Only this time the homes are built on an entirely different scale. Marc's house is over 3000 sq ft. We have 4 bedrooms, but 3.5 baths - with the master bath being bigger than the bedroom I had when growing up. The upstairs has the bedrooms, a loft area, laundry and a high, double height section. The ground floor has the gourmet kitchen, breakfast room, den, living room (we call that the library) and then the garage. Everything is bigger than my little place in Palo Alto.
The bigness extends to the neighborhood. The parks are bigger and more abundant. My new club - it isn't just swim & tennis, but also a gym, childcare, basketball courts and spa. Their are at least a dozen tennis courts - some are even covered in this massive dome thing. The pools are bigger - 2 hot tubs (one is adults only), the family pool with the baby pool attached, the lap pool with 6 lanes and then a covered lap pool that gets used for aquasize. The changing room has showers, lockers, a sauna & steam room. The cars in the lot are bigger - though that has more to do with the migration of sububan moms from volvo station wagons to Bloated Land-ships. The people also seem bigger, but maybe that's just my being judgemental.
I'm not sure bigger is better. I do feel a twang of guilt when we close the windows against the 100 degree heat and enjoy the airconditioning - another feature missing from my childhood home. I appreciate the yardage of counter space in the kitchen, yet could do without the breakfast nook. Where does it stop? Our massive over consuption - I'm living it. Get me some solar panels!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Garden Update
The latest garden dispatch contains sad news. I had to pull out 1/2 of my broccoli plants. I didn't realize they were ready for harvest. Their buds were so small, just bigger than a ping-pong ball. So I didn't think that they were ready for harvesting. Then they flowered. I thought that odd, as I hadn't expected the broccoli to flower before growing its head. When checking the wise internet, I learned that they had gone to far and were no longer useful. I pulled them up.
The seedlings I planted will soon be big enough to go in and fill up their gaps. One of the beet-lings has two red-stemmed growths and one green. I'm not 100% sure what will grow or why these other seeds are sprouting. Maybe this is why one is supposed to use that special, sterilized soil when getting seeds to sprout. Hmm will have to consider that in the future.
On a brighter note, I found green tomatoes tucked away in the massive tangle of greenery in my veggie plot. They are bright green and one is nearly the size of a gypsy pepper. I can't wait for them to get some red streaks and start to change into something edible. Checking on them scents my hands with that fantastic tomato plant smell. Every day I poke my head around there.
The zucchini plant has done so well since getting moved to a pot. It has produced a 7 inch zucchini and a 4 inch baby zucchini. I'm trying so hard not to pick them - instead letting them keep growing. The whole thing seems like magic. How did I get so disconnected from my food?
The seedlings I planted will soon be big enough to go in and fill up their gaps. One of the beet-lings has two red-stemmed growths and one green. I'm not 100% sure what will grow or why these other seeds are sprouting. Maybe this is why one is supposed to use that special, sterilized soil when getting seeds to sprout. Hmm will have to consider that in the future.
On a brighter note, I found green tomatoes tucked away in the massive tangle of greenery in my veggie plot. They are bright green and one is nearly the size of a gypsy pepper. I can't wait for them to get some red streaks and start to change into something edible. Checking on them scents my hands with that fantastic tomato plant smell. Every day I poke my head around there.
The zucchini plant has done so well since getting moved to a pot. It has produced a 7 inch zucchini and a 4 inch baby zucchini. I'm trying so hard not to pick them - instead letting them keep growing. The whole thing seems like magic. How did I get so disconnected from my food?
Sunday, June 14, 2009
DIY Triathlon
So Shawn invited me to join her on her next triathlon. I'm considering it. I went out and blew $200 on gear - swimsuit, bike shorts, swim cap & goggles (plus an ultralight fleece that was on sale). The bike shorts were deemed mandatory when Marc & I did a 10 mile, hellish ride the other night just to get some cardio in. Fifty minutes later I was barely able to walk, embarrassed at my exceedingly slow time and unable to sit down either. No fun, got me a bit concerned about doing this tri.
Friday I bought the suit and friday night I did an 8 pm swim. I did 20 laps of a 25 meter pool. I was able to swim some 1250 meters or what one tri training schedule suggested for a swim. It took a little under 30 minutes and I wasn't impressed, dark sky, cool water, shivers to-from the locker room.
Despite the not so successful start to my triathlon training, I decided to have an informal triathlon today. My desire to test my abilities combined with a why-is-the-scale-going-up? moment has spurred me to burn more calories that I intake, by a factor of 100%.
Here are the results:
7 mile hike - 2:33 - 748 calories - mind you, this was with the dogs and Zoe was taking every opportunity to lay down in the shade to rest, I also had to pull burrs from Tsui's paws several times and prevent Austin from mauling every dog we passed.
10 mile bike - 40:50 - 458 calories - this was on the expresso bike machine. I think I did pretty good. The new bike pants were a saving grace. Now,
1 mile swim - 36:45 - 474 calories - Calorie count based on random website.
Total Time: 3 hrs 50 min with 1680 calories burned.
While the Sprint I'm training for is .5 mi swim, 20 mi bike and 4 mi run - I did try to balance out the exercises, as there was no 20 mile bike option for the stationary bike and I have no bike.
However, the walking in the sun with the breeze and views delighted me. The bike ride challenged me and had me sweating. The swim felt fantastic with sun and water. I'm thinking that I might look at getting a bike soon.
Friday I bought the suit and friday night I did an 8 pm swim. I did 20 laps of a 25 meter pool. I was able to swim some 1250 meters or what one tri training schedule suggested for a swim. It took a little under 30 minutes and I wasn't impressed, dark sky, cool water, shivers to-from the locker room.
Despite the not so successful start to my triathlon training, I decided to have an informal triathlon today. My desire to test my abilities combined with a why-is-the-scale-going-up? moment has spurred me to burn more calories that I intake, by a factor of 100%.
Here are the results:
7 mile hike - 2:33 - 748 calories - mind you, this was with the dogs and Zoe was taking every opportunity to lay down in the shade to rest, I also had to pull burrs from Tsui's paws several times and prevent Austin from mauling every dog we passed.
10 mile bike - 40:50 - 458 calories - this was on the expresso bike machine. I think I did pretty good. The new bike pants were a saving grace. Now,
1 mile swim - 36:45 - 474 calories - Calorie count based on random website.
Total Time: 3 hrs 50 min with 1680 calories burned.
While the Sprint I'm training for is .5 mi swim, 20 mi bike and 4 mi run - I did try to balance out the exercises, as there was no 20 mile bike option for the stationary bike and I have no bike.
However, the walking in the sun with the breeze and views delighted me. The bike ride challenged me and had me sweating. The swim felt fantastic with sun and water. I'm thinking that I might look at getting a bike soon.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Time
I'm reading a book on Time. The interested came about after reading a book on life in England in the year 1000. Life back then didn't have clocks. The church didn't have a tower with time - those arrived in the 1300's. Days were marked by sunrise, noon and sunset. There were sun-dials that created hours as divisions of the day that changed as the seasons changed. In the summer, hours were longer, in the winter, they were shorter. If one woke in the dark, s/he had no way of knowing if dawn were almost there or if they had been sleeping for merely an hour. I find it nearly unfathomable.
My first thought, "How could two people meet for lunch?" and then I realized, there were no restaurants, so meeting for lunch wasn't going to be a concern. Hmm, life existed before lunch dates?
Speaking of noon, we have standardized noon. Before we divided the world into time zones, every town had noon on their own - why not? Was noon anything other than when the sun was highest overhead? Yet, as we now are divided, from Las Vegas to San Francisco our watches read 12:00 and the sun may not be at its highest point over head. We switched from sun time to clock time.
Clock time marks our days, for those of us raised in the digital age, imaging all towns setting the clock over their town hall to be noon at the local, sun-time of noon seems absurd. Yet, as recently as 75 years ago, that was the way it worked. The trains were the stimulus for the change to time zones. Think, if a train was leaving San Francisco at 12 noon and had a 10 hour journey to Las Vegas, when would it arrive? How would the stations along the way - each with their individual setting of the hour know when the train should arrive? Say the train reached Fresno after 4 hours - would it be 4 PM or something possibly later (as Fresno is father east, it would, presumably, have time running slightly ahead of San Francisco).
Only in the first quarter of the last century did people start to wear watches. This came about during WWI - as soldiers were issued wristwatches so that they might better sync up. Along with watches came migration and movement... the trains would have the say. They divided up the country so that they could make arrival and departure schedules. The time of sun defined noon came to a close.
It would be only a matter of years before the move from sun-time to clock-time was complete. Think, man started to mark the days with the sun dial - giving days divisions: night, before noon, noon and afternoon with changing hours. Then the clock was invented - a means to produce a regular marking of time developed in the 1300's and then hours were no longer divisions of the day, but independent. They were X-number of clicks of the clock. The day soon was divided into 24 equal hours - no longer 12 hours for the time when the sun was up & 12 hours of darkness. Now the hours were independent from the days. As the clocks progressed we got minutes - in the 1600's there were 4 divisions in the hour. But 1800 there were 60 minutes in the hour. By 1900, there could be 60 seconds within the minute. As our clocks developed, so did our divisions of time. Yet until 1967, the second was a division of a day: 1/86,400 (60 sec x 60 min x 24 hours).
In 1967 the second changed. From a part of a day, it was modified to a definition I can't quite understand:
"Since 1967, the International System of Units has defined the second as the duration of 9,192,631,770 cycles of radiation corresponding to the transition between two energy levels of the ground state of the caesium-133 atom. This definition makes the caesium oscillator (often called an atomic clock) the primary standard for time and frequency measurements."
Thank you Wikipedia.
Evidently, we cannot trust our second as a division of day, as the earth's day isn't quite the same. At some points in the trek around the sun, we spin faster or slower. Who knew?
Seeing the history of the hour, I realize how arbitrary my watch is. A part of me longs to return to the time we woke when the sun rose and retired as it set. Hard for many to understand me saying that, with my history of all-night parties, I know. But noon should be when the sun is highest. Sunrise should start the day. Why complain about the change in time from day light savings? The sun still comes up regardless of whether we call it 6 am or 7.
Not that I believe we could run our nuclear lives on solar settings.
My first thought, "How could two people meet for lunch?" and then I realized, there were no restaurants, so meeting for lunch wasn't going to be a concern. Hmm, life existed before lunch dates?
Speaking of noon, we have standardized noon. Before we divided the world into time zones, every town had noon on their own - why not? Was noon anything other than when the sun was highest overhead? Yet, as we now are divided, from Las Vegas to San Francisco our watches read 12:00 and the sun may not be at its highest point over head. We switched from sun time to clock time.
Clock time marks our days, for those of us raised in the digital age, imaging all towns setting the clock over their town hall to be noon at the local, sun-time of noon seems absurd. Yet, as recently as 75 years ago, that was the way it worked. The trains were the stimulus for the change to time zones. Think, if a train was leaving San Francisco at 12 noon and had a 10 hour journey to Las Vegas, when would it arrive? How would the stations along the way - each with their individual setting of the hour know when the train should arrive? Say the train reached Fresno after 4 hours - would it be 4 PM or something possibly later (as Fresno is father east, it would, presumably, have time running slightly ahead of San Francisco).
Only in the first quarter of the last century did people start to wear watches. This came about during WWI - as soldiers were issued wristwatches so that they might better sync up. Along with watches came migration and movement... the trains would have the say. They divided up the country so that they could make arrival and departure schedules. The time of sun defined noon came to a close.
It would be only a matter of years before the move from sun-time to clock-time was complete. Think, man started to mark the days with the sun dial - giving days divisions: night, before noon, noon and afternoon with changing hours. Then the clock was invented - a means to produce a regular marking of time developed in the 1300's and then hours were no longer divisions of the day, but independent. They were X-number of clicks of the clock. The day soon was divided into 24 equal hours - no longer 12 hours for the time when the sun was up & 12 hours of darkness. Now the hours were independent from the days. As the clocks progressed we got minutes - in the 1600's there were 4 divisions in the hour. But 1800 there were 60 minutes in the hour. By 1900, there could be 60 seconds within the minute. As our clocks developed, so did our divisions of time. Yet until 1967, the second was a division of a day: 1/86,400 (60 sec x 60 min x 24 hours).
In 1967 the second changed. From a part of a day, it was modified to a definition I can't quite understand:
"Since 1967, the International System of Units has defined the second as the duration of 9,192,631,770 cycles of radiation corresponding to the transition between two energy levels of the ground state of the caesium-133 atom. This definition makes the caesium oscillator (often called an atomic clock) the primary standard for time and frequency measurements."
Thank you Wikipedia.
Evidently, we cannot trust our second as a division of day, as the earth's day isn't quite the same. At some points in the trek around the sun, we spin faster or slower. Who knew?
Seeing the history of the hour, I realize how arbitrary my watch is. A part of me longs to return to the time we woke when the sun rose and retired as it set. Hard for many to understand me saying that, with my history of all-night parties, I know. But noon should be when the sun is highest. Sunrise should start the day. Why complain about the change in time from day light savings? The sun still comes up regardless of whether we call it 6 am or 7.
Not that I believe we could run our nuclear lives on solar settings.
Garden Update
Last week I harvested the collard greens and realized that I have reaped all the quick growing plants. Now I have to wait until the tomatoes, corn, peppers, cucumbers, cauliflower, broccolli and zucchini flower and bear fruit. That is going to take a while. My Farm Fresh To You newsletter noted that they are having great success with their tomatoes this season. That each week they grow another 10 inches or so. Soon though, the plants will stop their skyward trek and funnel their energy into making their red bounty. I cannot wait!
Until then, I'm doing daily caterpillar checks and giving some extra water to the relocated cucumber & zucchini. I took time this afternoon to dig my hands into the worm farm. I tried my best to harvest a bit of the poop - got about 2 cups worth. I mixed that with the organic soil and filled up the little containers I bought the other plants in. Into them I mixed seeds for arugula, onion and beets. Tuesday, after work, I hope to drop by the Plant Mart at the junction of 101 & 280 and get more seeds. I need leeks, green beans and potatoes. I may have to order the potatoes online.
The garden grows abundantly. It feels like god is smiling on my veggie patch.
Until then, I'm doing daily caterpillar checks and giving some extra water to the relocated cucumber & zucchini. I took time this afternoon to dig my hands into the worm farm. I tried my best to harvest a bit of the poop - got about 2 cups worth. I mixed that with the organic soil and filled up the little containers I bought the other plants in. Into them I mixed seeds for arugula, onion and beets. Tuesday, after work, I hope to drop by the Plant Mart at the junction of 101 & 280 and get more seeds. I need leeks, green beans and potatoes. I may have to order the potatoes online.
The garden grows abundantly. It feels like god is smiling on my veggie patch.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Utterly Fantastic
Mark Moford's column today - totally fantastic and not just because I can say that I know the guy. I'd like to say he's a friend, but with public figures who are smart and nice - I'm not sure that his willingness to talk to me at parties and return my emails qualifies as friendship. If I keep stalking him at his yoga class, maybe that will help - or just create a fun plot line for a cringe sit-com.
Art Jazz Lit Obama
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
As so many children, I've read The Very Hungry Caterpillar. The story of the little guy green, mulit-footed critter who eats and eats and eats. I thought it was just a quaint tale to tell the little ones so that if they found a caterpillar in the garden, they'd know that the creepy crawly thing would eventually become a butterfly. A story to help train little minds into sympathetic and educated adults I did not realize it was a factual story.
But then, my collard greens were suddenly filled with holes. It was the Pearl Harbor of critter attacks. One day we're playing ball and having a good time, the next we're under fire from little green monsters who eat and eat and eat! My response was worth of a hunt the monster video game - picking off caterpillars of all sizes and dropping them into soapy water. But then I felt bad - killing the unlucky loopers (the ones I have are called, Green Loopers). So then I took to launching them into bushes that have leaves I was not inclined to eat and I felt marginally better.
Not only were they eating my collard greens, broccoli leaves and cauliflower leaves, they were eating my ego too. All while I was in England, there was a bit of gnawing away at my brain. Before leaving, I asked one of the nice people doing dog sitting shifts (we had three lovely ladies help us out -more on that later) to check my plants for caterpillars. I do think I'm strange - asking someone to go on a caterpillar hunt.
My only solace came from Tiger the cat. As she favors the silver moth as a toy. I realized this was one giant cycle. The moth lays its eggs on my plants, my plants serve as host to their babies and then my cat toys and kills the adults (too bad not before they lay their eggs). Mother Nature has such a sadistic streak in her!
Yesterday, I couldn't take it any longer. I harvested the Collard Greens. They got cooked in garlic, olive oil and lemon. Since they came from my veggie plot, they tasted better. However, I did have to wash them twice and do an extra find check to see that the little green guys weren't hitching a ride into the cauldron of boiling water that I put the leaves in. I let Marc know that I could say, with 95% confidence, that his dinner was caterpillar free. Good thing Tiger doesn't have to make that statement.
Time to go and do my morning sweep for Caterpillars to prevent them eating their way into the heads of cauliflower.
But then, my collard greens were suddenly filled with holes. It was the Pearl Harbor of critter attacks. One day we're playing ball and having a good time, the next we're under fire from little green monsters who eat and eat and eat! My response was worth of a hunt the monster video game - picking off caterpillars of all sizes and dropping them into soapy water. But then I felt bad - killing the unlucky loopers (the ones I have are called, Green Loopers). So then I took to launching them into bushes that have leaves I was not inclined to eat and I felt marginally better.
Not only were they eating my collard greens, broccoli leaves and cauliflower leaves, they were eating my ego too. All while I was in England, there was a bit of gnawing away at my brain. Before leaving, I asked one of the nice people doing dog sitting shifts (we had three lovely ladies help us out -more on that later) to check my plants for caterpillars. I do think I'm strange - asking someone to go on a caterpillar hunt.
My only solace came from Tiger the cat. As she favors the silver moth as a toy. I realized this was one giant cycle. The moth lays its eggs on my plants, my plants serve as host to their babies and then my cat toys and kills the adults (too bad not before they lay their eggs). Mother Nature has such a sadistic streak in her!
Yesterday, I couldn't take it any longer. I harvested the Collard Greens. They got cooked in garlic, olive oil and lemon. Since they came from my veggie plot, they tasted better. However, I did have to wash them twice and do an extra find check to see that the little green guys weren't hitching a ride into the cauldron of boiling water that I put the leaves in. I let Marc know that I could say, with 95% confidence, that his dinner was caterpillar free. Good thing Tiger doesn't have to make that statement.
Time to go and do my morning sweep for Caterpillars to prevent them eating their way into the heads of cauliflower.
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